So.... how to sum up this week...
SUM UP FOR THIS WEEK: COMPLETE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER
As some of you may have read in my last post, we had our 20 week scan this past week and, along with having the bejesus scared out of us with regards to our baby possibly, maybe having a hole in his heart ( thankfully he doesn't.... read my last post here for a more concise explanation) we found out the exciting and spectacular news that:
We are having a BOY!
Now that I'm finally getting the feeling back in my emotional self (being left uncertain about the health of your baby's heart for 3 days and nights has a way of leaving you feeling a bit like you've been run over by a truck, you see) it is finally sinking in that, in a few months, we shall have a son?!
Lots of questions are running through my mind. They have been ever since I saw the word 'pregnant' on the Clear Blue Digi test we did back in October. But this time, instead of the general vagueness of 'Will I be a good mother?', 'Will they like me?', 'What will they look like?'... I'm asking myself 'Will I be a good mother to HIM?', 'Will HE like me?', 'What will HE look like?'. With that one revelation of gender, everything gets a little bit more real and that little bit more relatable. And a little more daunting.
I've no clue about boys. Firstly.... well, I'm evidently not one. Secondly, my only sibling is a girl, my sister Amy. I've always got on with guys socially though... I have some very best friends who are boys actually. But with regards to home life and the family unit, and my own life experiences... The predominant theme has been 'girl'.
So, and don't laugh.... but.... I'm trying to figure out how to do a good job with him. My most important creation. My baby boy. I mean.... nappy changing for instance. I don't have a penis, but I'm going to have to learn how to navigate my way around one with a bit of sticky taped padding... HOW?! Not to mention I'm going to have to dodge a little jet hose of pee from time to time - I've heard the horror stories!
I don't play sports. I know that's a pretty stereotypical view, but it's safe to say he will like a sport of some kind. If his Daddy has anything to do with it then it'll be football.... more specifically Liverpool playing football... and what shall I do during this time? I don't even know the offside rule?! Or even the bloody point of chasing a ball around a patch of grass? I have visions of standing in a muddy field for a little league game, cheering on the wrong team whilst he shakes his head in shame.
Then my mind skips to his other types of games. When he is jumping around playing sword fights and pretending to be a Pirate looking for buried treasure. I'll look ridiculous in a Pirate's hat... plus I get sea sick. What can I possibly bring to the game apart from how to try and successfully accessorise with a stuffed parrot?
Fast forward to teenage-dom.... when he is starting to notice girls and spending that little bit too much time in the bathroom and washing his own sheets all of a sudden. How can I relate to a deepened voice box and some descended testicles??! I've never had them!
Then, just as all these thoughts and worries about inadequacy reach their peak and I begin to feel dread instead of excitement, I suddenly realise something that washes it all away. I am his Mother. I and his Daddy have made him and all is going to be fine because we are a family and for a short time, our baby boy will think we can do no wrong.
Life is full of adjustments and learning curves. I will learn how to change his nappy... in the dark.... whilst half asleep. It won't matter that I am cheering the wrong team in football, the point is that I showed up or am sitting down to watch it with them. I may look bloody stupid in a Pirate's hat but to him, I'll look amazing! When puberty hits and he is scared of the changes he's facing, I'll aim to be there with a hug, an open mind and a listening ear, reassuring him that we all eventually fit into our bodies... as if we would a new pair of shoes that needed breaking in.
And if I fail... then at least he will know that I tried my best. And he will love me for it anyway.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Paulibear and I made our very first purchase for Baby Boy Bear this week. It made us laugh to the point of doubling over in the middle of the shop with achey side muscles, which after the scare at the scan, compelled us to buy it and bring it home as a positive keep sake.
Ta da!! Don't ask me why this tortoise is so funny to us, it just is.lol!
|Why does this make me laugh so much?? I think it's the big eyes and small smile combo.|
|Makes a nice change to blue... and denim too. Reminds me of the Roald Dahl book, Esio Trot. Oh! And if you like it, we got it in TKmaxx for £5.99|
BUMP PIC WEEK 21:
|Cat in the background again! They are alive I swear it.... We are not into taxidermy. Plus I mixed it up with leggings as opposed to pjs this week, get me being all trendy and stuff. NOT!|