We took a quick trip to John Lewis today, simply to have a browse at all the lovely things it has to offer and I also had a birthday voucher, left all the way since July, burning a hole in my pocket looking to be spent!
We parked up, myself and PB working in unison to unravel BB from his car seat and into his coat and pram, before taking the lift up to the front entrance and into the foyer of the store.
And there they were. Full on choir singing merry Christmas carols along with a fairly out of tune keyboard and mismatching Christmas jumpers on!
I don't know why, but I felt awkward! Kind of... shy and embarrassed almost. Completely ridiculous, anyone would think I was being asked to stand up there myself and sing 12 bars or whatever of a partridge in a Pear tree! My reaction truly shocked me... how could I possibly be embarrassed by a merry group of souls singing cheerful festive tunes?!
I don't know. I just was! I somehow broke out into this sporadic sort of goofy grin and didn't know where to put my face. It's quite something to have your face spontaneously break out into an emotion without your say so! I soon found myself forcing a look of concentration into its place and made my way over to a gift stand by way of distraction from the festivities.
Which upon reflection makes me rather cross at myself. Why didn't I just stand and enjoy the bloody performance? I daresay the cheery singers would have appreciated the attention! Why didn't I just leave my spontaneous smile where it fell? Why feel so scared to show a true emotion of happiness?
In truth, I think nowadays we are all quite scared of showing happy. Or even of being happy.. so scared we are that the bubble shall burst. We see happy as if it is a sign of weakness if we revel in it .. or even a sign of being smug. Which is a shame, because that isn't the case at all. Real happy is such a rare gem to find... especially in today's times. I wish I had held onto mine today and not reverted to what I thought was more acceptable and less controversial. Heaven knows it felt good to grin from ear to ear!
Subconsciously, that's probably why I used my voucher on this.... our brand new light for the living room bookshelf! To remind me to stop over thinking and simply 'Choose Happy'.